The Pain of Regret
It is said the pain of discipline weighs ounces, but the pain of regret weighs a ton. Don’t come to the end of your life full of regrets.
- What will you regret not doing?
- Figure out what is holding you back.
- The pain of regret is too heavy to risk.
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Do you ever have regrets? Okay, I know that was a stupid question. Everybody has regrets or has had them in the past. I would be lying if I said I never had regrets. Every now and then I meet somebody who says, “If I had life to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.” And I’m thinking, “Man, I want to live in their skin.” Because honestly, no matter how courageous I become, no matter how much my life improves internally, no matter where my personal growth goes, I would change a ton of things. Are you kidding me? Yes. I have decided to take everything, all my mistakes and make good use of them. That has been a decision.
But even so, there are a bunch of decisions I wish I’d never made. I wish I would’ve done a ton of things differently. Now, that’s not to say that I’m living back in those regrets because I’m working really hard to stay focused on the present and keep growing for the future. But all of us feel little regrets here and there, don’t we?
It is said the pain of discipline weighs ounces but the pain of regret weighs a ton.
So if we can discipline ourselves, if we could literally do the things that we’ve been putting off, making the changes that we want to make, taking risks on trying something new, improving our lives, deciding to be happy in the middle of the storm, stepping out of the chaos, whatever it is, it’s going to be painful. There will be pain in it.
If you’re looking for the pain-free method of self-improvement you came to the wrong girl, because it’s just a fact it’s going to be painful. But you know what? Regrets are going to be much more painful. They’re going to weigh on you. They’re going to be so heavy. So what is it you’ve been wanting to do, you need to do? What is it?
Let me tell you a couple of quick stories for me. I wanted to write a book from decades. In fact, I actually have a murder mystery, I know that seems kind of funny considering my story, but I used to enjoy reading those. I still do. I don’t read them as much, but now I do watch some of these true crime stories, which again, might seem strange to you since I had a daughter shot twice and murdered, but I’m really fascinated with human psychology first and just seeing how the whole puzzle comes together, what makes people tick, and then how they put the clues together to figure out who done it. Those have always been very interesting thing to me. So I decided if you’re going to write a book, the suggestion is all the research I had done said write about what you like to read.
So I created this whole story and all these characters and all the deep, deep backstories to each of them. And I have it probably, I haven’t even looked at it in years, but probably 75% written. And then when Jamie started going sideways and then she was shot, I just shelved the whole thing. I couldn’t even think about writing a book like that. And so then I just gave up on my whole dream of writing a book. It just went right there with the murder mystery into the archives. And because I’d wanted to do it for so many decades, I wonder how I’d feel if I’d never done it. And I’ve written several books. Now, again, these are definitely not the kind of books I would have liked to be writing about. I’d rather be writing some fake murder story than the real one. I would’ve loved to have written a cookbook or something that just made people smile.
Hopefully, some of the books that I write there are portions of it that do make you smile and give you hope. And I know it’s all important and everything. So it’s fine. It is what it is. And I’m really happy to be doing what I’m doing and grateful and humbled by the opportunity to help people. But the point is, I wonder if my life had just… If I had just shelved that and then just never got back to writing a book, I wonder if I’d had a lot of regrets. What is it that you might regret if you don’t do, if you don’t even try?
You don’t want to be the person who’s sitting in their rocking chair laying on the death bed going, “Dang it, I should’ve done that thing.” It’s time for you to go do that thing.
The other thing that I would have regretted far more, far more than writing a book would have been if I had not gotten up off of the mat when life whacked me over the head with that two by four. When Jamie entered her addiction at the age of 15, which was an absolute shocker… Well, she started going off the rails at 15. I have no idea actually when her addiction began other than she became addicted to opiates when she was 18 and was put on opiates in the hospital after she was shot the first time. Point being, if I hadn’t got myself better, if I was still back there living with that dark cloud over my heart, first of all, I have no idea if I’d even be married right now, because how much could my husband take that? I would’ve regretted that more than anything, not doing whatever it took.
And I clawed my way through the darkness because there was no nine weapons of hope. I hadn’t created any of this, right? I had no roadmap. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I just knew I couldn’t live that way anymore. And so what is it that you’re going to regret not doing, not trying, not attempting, not committing to? What is it? Life is short, my friend. It’s flying by. It’s time to engage your decisions. Make that pivotal decision. Don’t waste any more of your precious time. Decide to stand up and fight and then commit to stay in the ring until the final round. And know that wherever you are, I’ll be standing there in that ring with you until your final round two.
Join me at valeriesilveira.com. Join my Trauma Disruptors and all the other resources we have for you. I hope you’re subscribed to this YouTube channel. Let’s link arms, because I firmly believe that one person can do a lot, but together we can stand through anything.