Fighting the Right Battle


Start fighting the right battle.

  • If you are exhausted and can’t imagine “fighting” anymore, it’s possible you have been fighting the wrong battle!
  • Fighting a losing battle will always leave us exhausted.
  • Focusing on the one you have a chance of winning will energize you.



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Hello there, fellow warrior. Are you fighting the right battle? Here’s the thing. If you’re not fighting the right battle, you are going to be completely exhausted and wiped out. When we’re trying to fight somebody else’s battle, we’re trying to battle their beast for them, we’re trying to live their life for them, we’re trying to make them change, it’s exhausting. Now, they might change along the way and you could be a great influence. That’s ideal. But if we’re trying to make them, we’re exhausting ourselves. We’re literally self-destructing, trying to manage. Or sometimes we’re even enabling, like I did with my daughter for many years, not realizing it, and then being just so desperate, I didn’t know what else to do. Completely exhausted. I was fighting her battle.

What I found interesting is, when I really started to fight my own battle, I became energized.

However, initially, when I started to say, “Okay, I got to get better,” right, you’ve heard that story. I told my husband I didn’t want to be here anymore, and I didn’t want that to be my legacy, and I wanted to stand for my son, Sean. And I thought, how am I going to do this? Are you kidding me? I’m so freaking wiped out right now, I can’t even think about personal growth. I can’t think about steadying something or learning how to do something differently, I’m too exhausted. So if that’s where you are, I get it, my friend. I’ve been there.

There’s going to be a period of time when you first start battling where you kind of go, “Man, I’m wiped out. Valerie, I don’t know about this.” But I firmly believe that at some point, you’ll start to understand what I’m saying. You’ll get a little energized, and then more and more energized. Because fighting the wrong battle is completely exhausting. Number one reason is because you don’t have control. If you’re fighting somebody else’s battle for them… We have no control over other people. We have influence over them, for sure, but we don’t have control. And so we’re constantly disappointed. What’s more exhausting than disappointment, and feeling like you’re constantly failing because everything you try doesn’t work?

We have control over our thoughts, our feelings, our words, and our actions. And that’s it.

Yeah, we influence a lot of other things and okay, we might have control over other certain little aspects of that, but really seriously, those are the four major things that we have direct control over. So when you start fighting your own battle, when you’re going, “I’m going to get my own life back,” I mean, wouldn’t it be cool if you did that and this person that you’re trying to control, the battle that you’ve been trying to fight, they looked at you and went, “Wow. Okay. Now I see how it’s done,” wouldn’t you like to be that inspiration for somebody else? Wouldn’t you like to be the person who’s talked about down the road that says, “She’s the reason that I finally made my decision. She was that glimmer of hope. I saw how much courage she had, so I decided that I could have that same amount of courage”? That could be you.

So, wow. First of all, you start fighting the right battle, you get energized, you get to move your life in a new direction, and then you get to inspire somebody else. What could be better than that? So it’s time to really dig down deep, look at your situation, and figure out if you’re fighting the right battle. If you’re not, look into my 9 Weapons of Hope. And you know what, if you were to look at all of these all together, all nine of them, it might seem overwhelming. So in this 9 Weapons of Hope course, we are literally giving you one weapon to get through at a time. The first one is called your decisions, and this is one of the concepts, one of the modules inside this weapon of hope called your decisions. All these little things that’ll help you gain perspective, get some wisdom, get some insight, give you some tools.

We need arrows in our quiver, right? We need an arsenal of weapons when we’re going up against a beast.

And sometimes the beast is our own thoughts, our own patterns of thinking, our loss of confidence, our loss of self-worth. Today should be the day that you start fighting the right battle, get energized. Link arms with me, go to where you can find all sorts of different resources. And I hope one day to meet you at a live event, I hope we can get live events going pretty soon. But for now, virtually speaking, you are not alone. I’m standing right there with you.

Trauma Disruptors Access