Your Unlimited Supply of Decisions
It’s not just about the initial decision to do something. There is power in using your unlimited supply of decisions.
This is a follow up message to the video: Decide to Stand Up & Fight for What You Want or Need.
- Your initial (or pivotal) decision is important.
- It’s the many decisions along the way the makes all the difference.
- Decisions are a part of life.
- We have an unlimited supply of them.
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It's hosted on our website (using Circle, so you can get the app if want to access it that way).
FULL VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Hello friends and fellow warriors. I wanted to talk to you a little bit today about making decisions and decisions and decisions. Additional decisions besides that pivotal decision that says, “This is what I want or need. I’m making that decision to stand up and fight.” Okay. So in another video I talked about making that decision to stand up and fight, and I started to get into a concept and thought, you know what? That video is going to be too long so I decided to jump off and make it a separate video, but go ahead and watch that other video because it really has a lot of great stuff in it about you making that decision, that pivotal decision. But the point that I really wanted to make in here is about making those subsequent decisions. And I’m sure you understand what I’m talking about.
Okay. You make a big decision like a New Year’s resolution, for instance, those ones that last about two weeks. January 15th and you’re like, “Forget it. Where’s the cake?” So the resolutions to me seem like, okay, it’s something that we’re supposed to do at New Year’s, it’s kind of like phoned in, I’m just doing it because that’s the thing to do. Making a real decision to change your life is a little bit different than that. And again, go back and watch that other video because that’ll really help you with this. But in this whole decision cycle, so this is one of my nine weapons of hope, in fact, it’s the one that I put first in my new course, my new arsenal, the 9 Weapons of Hope arsenal. It’s the one I put first because I really feel like if you don’t first make a decision and then a commitment, you’re probably not going to do anything else.
You’re probably not going to do much of the other eight weapons of hope. So the first thing to make real change in your life is to make a decision, but oh, hey, hey it’s sitting right here. Okay. This decision cycle, this is a page out of the course. I always get kind of mixed up when I’m on video, which way I got to put. I get backwards. Okay. Straighten out paper. So you make your pivotal decision. I’m not going to be able to point. I swear. I’m not going to be able to point here because I’m getting myself mixed up. So you make your pivotal decision. And that’s that what you really want or need. And then you make a commitment. You’ve got to make a commitment. It’s not just like you going to do something like, I’m going to do it because, and we kind of go through a whole process in this weapon of hope to help you figure that out.
Then you start to take action. Right? Okay. So what actions am I going to take that are supporting my decision? And then you get feedback, right? You get some feedback along the way. Maybe I need to kind of modify things. You’ll get some results too, along the way. But now here’s what I wanted to talk about today, right in here. And that is, as you’re going through the cycle, you’re making that pivotal decision. You make a commitment, you start to take action. You get some feedback, you have some results, but what’s going to happen along the way is you’re going to have to decide again. Sometimes they’re going to be decisions that are in support of what you want or need. You go, “Okay, so in order for me to get there, I’m going to now have to make a decision about this.” Right? That makes sense. You make decisions all the time.
You’re not going to be able to just make one decision and it’s one and done, but here’s something really significant.
There will be times when you get knocked right back down and you go, “Forget it. I’m out. That’s it.” As my niece, Shawnie says, peace out, trout. You go, “I’m done.” Somebody said something to you, that really kind of pulled the rug out from underneath you, took the wind out of your sails. It could be the beast. You know, the beast is always there knocking on our door. “No, don’t forget. Don’t forget, Valerie. You’re a bad mom. Don’t forget, you weren’t able to save your daughter, who is going to listen to you? Don’t forget, you’re a failure.”
That’s what happens. Those beasts, they get in our head. We start to lose our confidence. We start to lose our energy. We start to feel like we don’t have what it takes. We don’t have the courage. So sometimes it won’t be little decisions. It’ll literally have to be that you start over, you make that pivotal decision again. Let me tell you a little quick story that will hopefully resonate with you and make a little sense about that.
Now this has to do with forgiveness or what I call, the F word.
And that is part of my weapon of hope called your release. Mo son Sean, let me tell you, this was huge. The fact that he got to a point where he was able to forgive the guy who killed my daughter, his sister, was huge for me because he was very angry for a very long time, but I really helped him. I really helped him to understand that there’s a difference between justice and forgiveness. Do I want this guy to fry in jail for the rest of his life, sit there and think about what he did and never see the light of day, never be able to kill anybody else because he’s also accused of murdering somebody else when he was on the lamb before they had arrested him? And, I mean, I don’t want him out in society.
Do you? Of course not. That’s justice. Forgiveness though, is just lifting that off of my heart. I can’t have that guy in my head and in my heart and as part of my world every single day, or I can’t do what I’m doing. I can’t be where I am. Anyway, forgiveness is a whole other thing. You should check into the nine weapons of hope. And when you get to your release, this is what I will be talking about and a lot more, but definitely the F word is a big part of it. Okay. So Sean gets to that point and it was a big moment for me. It made me feel so happy for him. And it gave me a sense of peace for him. And then he told me just the other day, because there’s some other things that have come to light with Jamie’s case.
And he just said to me, “You know, mom, you know that whole thing about forgiving him?” And I kind of knew what was coming. He goes, “Hmm, not there anymore. I took it back.” And I started to explain to him, “Well, you know, Sean, this is about you. This is lifting that off your heart so he’s not in your head and in your heart.” And he tells me, “I feel really angry again.” And see what I mean? This is why we forgive, because that is messing up Sean’s life, right? This guy doesn’t even know Sean exists. And now Sean is living in anger. That’s why he has to release that and let that go and forgive him again. He says to me, “Mom, don’t worry. We’ll get there again.” That’s what he said to me, “We’ll get there again, mom, just not right now.”
So, he’s made that decision that he’s not quite there and he’s going to take a little breather here and let himself feel some anger, whatever, he’s got to work through it, okay. And by the way, the old me would have put on my supermom cape and tried to force him. He’s got to work through this. But anyway, that’s an interesting story. Isn’t it? Because if you think about it from this whole process of, we make decisions, remember this whole deal here, we get results, but you notice how there’s no end point, how it’s just this kind of circular thing? It’s because of what happened to Sean. Sometimes we have to kind of start over and that’s not a failure, starting over sometimes is just part of the process. Like I said before, life’s full of decisions, right? Decisions, decisions, decisions, and most of them are pretty small. We don’t think about them a lot.
But sometimes we’ve got to make those major decisions in support of what we want. And sometimes we even have to start all over. That’s okay. Here’s the cool thing. You have an unlimited supply of decisions. It’s not like you’re going to run out of them. So if you make a decision that you don’t think is the best, make a different one, or if you get more information, you get some feedback and things change, make a different decision, head in a little different direction or even start all over, make another decision, because guess what? The second time you do it, you’ll have a little bit more wisdom, hopefully a little bit more strength to make it the second time. Maybe it’s the third time. It doesn’t matter.
The only thing that’s going to keep you from getting where you need to go is you deciding to stay down on the mat.
So link arms with me. I hope that you will join my trauma disruptors community.
It is not on Facebook. We’ve left Facebook as far as groups go and we have our own private community. We have it on an app called Circle. You can find it on that app, but go to valeriesilveira.com and you can get there right in our website, you’ll see all sorts of places on the website where you can join the trauma disruptors community. I have free resources and links to books, and you definitely should check out the nine weapons of hope. So head over to valeriesilveira.com.
I hope that you will come back and watch some more of these YouTube videos, I’m just getting ready to record a bunch more, whatever I can do to help you, because I have been in a very dark place. And I know that there’s hope on the other side. And I hope maybe today, maybe just something you heard today will give you that little tiny glimmer of hope. You are not alone. I am standing right there with you. Let’s disrupt trauma for good.